The Tale of Two Teeth

There once was the girl named Jamie, although some preferred to call her Mimi Weisenheimer (I have no idea why), who had a beautiful smile that included wonderful teeth. She lived in a great house in a little town called Magna.

She spent her days being teased and harassed by her many brothers.

On one of these such days, her big brother offered to take her for a bike ride to see the moon. Jamie (being the trusting individual her mother raised her to be) went along for the ride. Jamie sat on the bike seat and her big brother pedaled the bike to the top of their road. And they saw the moon, and it was a glorious full moon.

After looking at the moon, they headed back to their great house in the same manner (or maybe flying down the road because that's what boys like to do). Until the big brother CRASHED the bike. Jamie went flying, face first onto the black asphalt road.

When Jamie made it home, probably by herself because her big brother was sometimes a cry baby and may have stayed lying in the middle of the road (remember the snowballs?), it was discovered that the black asphalt had chosen to knock out four of her wonderful teeth.

Jamie was horrified! And she spent the next several years without front teeth and having to hear repeatedly (thanks Lynn) "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth".

Then one day, her big teeth came in. And Jamie had teeth again (although they weren't wonderful because she had a HUGE overbite).

Several years later, Jamie's fabulous mother, got her braces to help make her teeth fabulous again. Jamie hated the braces, but wore them and got them off and had beautiful teeth again. (Except for the weird calcium spots, but teeth whitening helped with that).

Another several years pass, and one of Jamie's big brothers has a child (actually his wife had the child, but you know what I mean). This child is the love of Jamie's life, Stinky Pete. They are inseparable! Until one day Stinky Pete is mad and uses her head to smash into Jamie's wonderful teeth. Jamie immediately forgives, remembering this is the love of her life, but her teeth continue to hurt.

Several months pass and Jamie decides to have her wonderful teeth checked by the dentist. The dentist reveals that Jamie's fabulous teeth have no root and will surely fall out. He recommends she avoids biting into apples for fear of ripping the teeth out. Jamie freaks out a little, cries a little, and avoids apples a lot.

Jamie then consults the dentist about how to remedy this tragedy. He offers to put a wire in her mouth to stabilize the teeth. Jamie agrees and quickly learns that the wire causes more damage and ruins her years spent in braces. She has the wire removed.The dentist assures Jamie the teeth won't just fall out, but again advises against eating apples. Jamie has more fear of teeth falling out in public.

Several apple-less years pass, until Jamie can't handle the pressure anymore. So Jamie gets Flex insurance money and has the teeth ripped out by a professional. Then she spends months (and months) and two weeks (really closer to three weeks) wearing temporary false teeth to prepare her gums for the permanent false teeth.


And since Jamie still has several brothers, a VERY mean mother, and numerous sisters-in-law she spends the entirety of those six months (plus three miserable weeks) being teased and harassed. Then she decided she didn't care and chose to share her toothless grin with all of the blogger world.

Enjoy, for now I have new teeth and can eat all the apples I want (I hope, I haven't asked the dentist if this is true or not).


And sometimes she played with the false teeth and made fun faces....